In I Love You Baby, middle sister Grace is a dog lover.
She’s built a business around her passion.
Grace and her husband Justin run a dog hotel, providing short term accommodation and pampering at the end of a track, at the base of a valley, just outside of Hebden Bridge.
There are individual suites for up to 15 dogs, occupied all year round for a maximum stay of two weeks.
The layout in each consists of bedroom area, and living room, with access to a patio area with lawn and running stream water feature.
Sociable dogs are encouraged to mingle in the evenings pre dinner in the cocktail bar where a selection of balls and rubber pulls are available with a dog entertainer offering group tummy rubs, cat impressions and a bi-weekly ‘howls of the continents’ show which always goes down a storm.
Sibling dogs with calm temperaments can share rooms if the owners desire.
Themed date nights and honeymoon suites are available (By prior arrangement and mutual owner agreement) for mating purposes and a pedigree sophisticated liaison (PSL) service is available on application and subsequent to the necessary checks.
Guests are fed organically and special diets- vegan, diabetic and low calorie, are all catered for with walks taken individually-never the same route twice- by vetted staff members.
All guests are guaranteed a stimulating, luxurious, loving and comfortable environment.
Business is booming.
This was the scene in the kitchen at Biscuits N Baskets this morning.
1. INTERIOR. GRACE AND JUSTIN’S KITCHEN. SUNNY. GRACE STANDS AT THE SINK LOOKING THROUGH THE SMALL WINDOW AT THE KENNEL WING.
GRACE, CLOTHES COVERED IN A FINE FILM OF VARIOUSLY COLOURED DOG HAIR, WIPES A TEAR FROM HER CHEEK WITH THE BACK OF HER WASHING UP GLOVE AND BLOWS HER FRINGE OUT OF HER EYES, CAUSING STRAY BEAGLE WHISKERS TO FLY UP HER NOSE WHICH SHE RUBS VIGOUROUSLY.
SHE SNEEZES AND THEN SIGHS DEEPLY.
THE SOUND OF EXCITED DOGS IN THE DISTANCE.
CLOSE UP GRACE AS SHE WATCHES JUSTIN THROUGH ALLERGIC EYES, HER P.O.V AS HE CLOSES THE KENNEL WING DOOR, A BUCKET IN HIS HAND, FLUSTERED.
HE STEPS IN SOMETHING AND SWEARS.
GRACE: (TO HERSELF, LOVELESSLY) Bloody idiot.
JUSTIN STORMS UP THE PATHWAY AND OPENS THE KITCHEN DOOR, A RECENTLY PUT TOGETHER VISION OF LUMBERJACK SHIRTED MASCULINITY.
GRACE: Morning darling.
JUSTIN: Dogs. I tell you. Dogs.
GRACE: Yes. Well yes they are- and yes they do. They just do. That.
JUSTIN WIPES HIS BOOTS AND THEN THROWS THEM INTO THE GARDEN. SLAMMING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. HE BELCHES SELF CONSCIOUSLY, OPENING HIS ARMS WIDE AS HE EXPELS AIR, FINISHING OFF WITH A VICTORIOUS FIST PUMP.
GRACE: Do you have to do that?
JUSTIN: Yes Grace. It’s a man thing.
GRACE: It’s a hideous thing. I don’t like it.
HE APPROACHES GRACE WITH LIPS PUCKERED, FULL BEARD TO THE FORE.
JUSTIN: Good morning woman.
GRACE: (SHAKING HER HEAD) No Justin. No.
JUSTIN: Come on.
GRACE: I don’t like it. It scratches. It’s like kissing an orange covered in cocktail sticks. Without the cheese bits.
JUSTIN: Kiss my head then.
JUSTIN: Or here. Just kiss it.
GRACE: No. Shave.
GRACE: Not. Not unreasonable at all. Not in the least.
JUSTIN SITS AT THE TABLE AND POURS A TEPID CUP OF TEA FROM THE POT WHICH SITS THERE.
JUSTIN: Sit down Grace.
GRACE: (STILL REFUSING TO LOOK AT HIM- CLOSE UP AS SHE STARES OUT TOWARDS THE KENNELS) The Weimeraners have mange.
JUSTIN: I said sit down.
GRACE: (CONTINUING WITH THE WASHING UP, BACK TURNED TO JUSTIN) I’ve put them in the Mitsubishi.
JUSTIN: Yes yes.
GRACE: They’re listening to Taylor Swift. I thought it might take their minds off the itch.
JUSTIN: Grace I need you to…
GRACE: If you need to drive anywhere put a black bin liner over your trousers and wear the tick gloves. The vet will…
JUSTIN STANDS SUDDENLY SCRAPING HIS CHAIR VIOLENTLY ON THE TILES.
A SHOCKED SILENCE. GRACE DROPS HER WASHING UP BRUSH INTO THE SINK AND SNEEZES, THEN STANDS VERY STILL, LISTENING WITH HER SHOULDER BLADES.
JUSTIN: The native woodsmen are my life now Grace. They understand me and I understand them. Our rituals have meaning. Our take on the world makes order out of chaos and when we’re out in the wood standing brother next to brother under father moon I know who I am and what I’m here for. And I’m going to stay out every night until 10.30 if I want to. I can and I’m going to. And now… I’m having a bath.
JUSTIN HEADS TOWARDS THE DOOR.
GRACE: I bought you some disposable razors. They’re in the bathroom cabinet.
JUSTIN EXITS SLAMMING THE DOOR. GRACE THROWS A BAG OF BONEMEAL AGAINST THE WALL AND SCREAMS.